Trials of a Wimpy Actress

Sometimes I really hate acting. For example when a director is screaming at me over and over again to "Focus," until her face turns blue and mine turns red. It can really get to you sometimes, especially since directors are the kings and queens of the underhanded insult. What at first seems to be helpful criticism turns into an entire attack on your own character, and sometimes the results can be crippling to your confidence, which an actor needs a lot of.

I thought by now I would be used to criticism, that I was professional enough and smart enough to just let it roll off my back, but I'm human, and more importantly a teenage actress. An unstable tidal wave of emotion that could be triggered from the slightest comment, the quickest look, and I'm off. My mind going through every reason so and so would say that to me and why they looked at me that way, and every single time I end up thinking "I'm horrible, they hate me." After that thought I'm launched into a self pity jag that could go on for days, and once a whole week.

Thankfully a self pity jag is quickly relieved by stepping on stage and letting go of all stress, anger, and sadness, in a performance that would make Shakespeare cry. I'm not saying I'm insanely talented by any means, I'm just saying that knowing I gave the performance of my life is an amazing feeling. When it comes to opening night I only build on that feeling and the mixed energies of the audience, and I am free on that stage, I am soaring.

I'm asked why I'm an actress, and thats why, to feel freedom.

So maybe directors insult for a reason, they've been there, they've done that, they have seen the worst and the best the acting world has to offer. It kind of makes sense to make it like a "Survival of The Fittest" type game. Only the determined and mostly pigheaded actor can make it through a barrage of insults, mentally unscathed, ready to take whatever they dish out and put it to better use on the stage.

Basically directors are like parents they guide you, and teach you, and also know how to royally piss you off, but its all for your own good because they want you to be happy in the end and feel like you really accomplished something great even if your the only one that felt it, so be kind to your directors, and remember self pity before awesomeness.

Love, Marnie