Anyway, the reason I'm pissed off right now is my friend who shall remain nameless, but lets call him "Idiot." Now idiot wants to be famous. He has...some natural talent, but he really needs a lot of training. He wants to be famous, which is understandable since I want the same thing, so we were joking around the other day pretending to be models and what not when the pictures started to look really good. Well Idiot's did at least. I'm not going to sugarcoat it (coz I'd just eat it anyways) I'm fat. I'm way over my weight limit, and my body shape looks very disproportionate, so "really hot" pictures with my body don't work, but I did have some pretty ones (if I do say so myself) of my face.
After hours on the phone with Idiot trying to figure out which photos he wanted on Facebook, and then retouching all of them with just a simple Kodak software, I finally had an album of pictures I was really proud of (even mine, sans most of my body). It got rave reviews from a lot of our friends (including a guy that likes me), and Idiot's manager at a store that shall not be named. Said manager liked Idiot's profile picture so much that she wants to submit it to a contest the store is doing to find new clothing models.
Idiot calls me to tell me the news, I thought it was pretty cool. He said I should be stoked even though it really had nothing to do with me at all unless they use the actual picture, which I only hope they ask my permission, but since I'm not a photographer, and I don't have a copyright I really doubt it. Well Idiot goes on "yeah, WE could so work on this, put videos of ME dancing on Youtube. Have videos of ME lip-syncing since you said I did that so well, and yeah there could be behind the scene videos with you in it. WE could totally do this, and after every video we could put that one picture of ME, so everyone knows who it is, and anything you would like to do can go on MY site. I mean I can do the dancing and stuff, and you do the behind the scenes stuff so good. It could work."
Well, I would just like to say my little Idiot, it's not going to work. If YOU want to be the star, do it YOUR self. Now I don't want to sound like a petty bitch, but I am not a behind-the-scenes kind of person. I didn't work my ass of in acting classes, trying to make a name for myself somewhere to be pushed to the back burner because I'm not pretty or skinny enough for his taste. I know I'm talented though, and not because I've been told, or how long I've been trained. I feel it, and I put my heart into it, and even if I do work with idiot, its only going to be half-assed because I'm not his follower and I would be pissed with myself if I did follow him.
What hurts me the most is that by just the way he said it, he thinks I'm not good enough to take center stage, and he manipulated me with my own insecurities. He's my best friend, he helped me when I was at my lowest, sitting in a psych ward, and when I had that bandage around my wrist. He knows why I hate myself so much, and he fed on it, and now its all for his means. All he talks about is his problems, his dreams, his this, his that. I get a minute, he barely listens and then its about him. Well if he wants it all to be about him, fine. He can do it without me.
