Trials of a Wimpy Actress

Sometimes I really hate acting. For example when a director is screaming at me over and over again to "Focus," until her face turns blue and mine turns red. It can really get to you sometimes, especially since directors are the kings and queens of the underhanded insult. What at first seems to be helpful criticism turns into an entire attack on your own character, and sometimes the results can be crippling to your confidence, which an actor needs a lot of.

I thought by now I would be used to criticism, that I was professional enough and smart enough to just let it roll off my back, but I'm human, and more importantly a teenage actress. An unstable tidal wave of emotion that could be triggered from the slightest comment, the quickest look, and I'm off. My mind going through every reason so and so would say that to me and why they looked at me that way, and every single time I end up thinking "I'm horrible, they hate me." After that thought I'm launched into a self pity jag that could go on for days, and once a whole week.

Thankfully a self pity jag is quickly relieved by stepping on stage and letting go of all stress, anger, and sadness, in a performance that would make Shakespeare cry. I'm not saying I'm insanely talented by any means, I'm just saying that knowing I gave the performance of my life is an amazing feeling. When it comes to opening night I only build on that feeling and the mixed energies of the audience, and I am free on that stage, I am soaring.

I'm asked why I'm an actress, and thats why, to feel freedom.

So maybe directors insult for a reason, they've been there, they've done that, they have seen the worst and the best the acting world has to offer. It kind of makes sense to make it like a "Survival of The Fittest" type game. Only the determined and mostly pigheaded actor can make it through a barrage of insults, mentally unscathed, ready to take whatever they dish out and put it to better use on the stage.

Basically directors are like parents they guide you, and teach you, and also know how to royally piss you off, but its all for your own good because they want you to be happy in the end and feel like you really accomplished something great even if your the only one that felt it, so be kind to your directors, and remember self pity before awesomeness.

Love, Marnie

Dream On

2 years ago I thought that by the time I turned 18 I would be super stick thin, prancing around in sun dresses, and playing "I'm no Angel" on a guitar with my super long curly black hair wafting in the breeze. Also I planned on running away to Hollywood after Graduation (with said guitar and said sun dresses), meet Robert Pattinson while playing said song to get some money (like really, Marnie?!). Then Robby would make me a movie star, we would fall madly in love during a passionate scene in said un-named movie, and then we would live happily ever after, making beautiful music, with our beautiful babies, in A-list fame and luxury.

Obviously none of that happened.

1 day away from being 18 and I'm still sitting on my (voluptuous ) ass, computer glued to my lap, cat fast asleep above me, and mother fast asleep across from me, but even though it seems like nothing at all changed, and my life is going completely no where, everything is different.

I've learned more life lessons in past 2 years then I've learned in my whole life. I've learned the real meaning of grief, and all the beautiful things that eventually bloom from that pain. I've also learned not to be afraid of intimacy, that life is worth living, and that dreams can come true, but at their own pace.

And although nothing from the first paragraph haven't happened doesn't mean it can't. I know my ideas, and plans are far-fetched, but who knows, maybe 2 years from now I'll be blogging from a cafe in California, wearing a little white sun dress, and drinking iced tea with R. Pattz.

Marnie

P.S. Since I've turned into a total gleek, I felt the need to name my post after one of the most epic performance Ive ever seen :)

I'm unconditionally, and irrevocably....terrified

Tomorrow's a big day for me. Now many people wouldn't consider this a big thing, but I do. Tomorrow's the first day of my senior year in high school, and I have mixed feelings about this, I'm both excited and scared. I'm excited because its my last year of mandatory school (well unless your a drop out), and I'm finally going to be 18 (unlike Bella Swan, I can't wait), a full fledged adult. I'm scared because with being a senior I have new responsibilities, which means I can't drag my big butt around as per usual. I have to work for the best grades possible, and I have to figure out what to do with my life.

Now my dream is to be an actress. I've had this dream for nearly 7 years, and I'll be damned if I don't see it through, so I want to go to college for theater, but now I think, "What will I do after college?" and, "How far in life does one get with a bachelor's in theater?" You see I have quite a predicament, and I hope I'm not doing the wrong thing by going to school for something I love.

If anyone has any idea of what jobs I could possibly get with a theater degree, please let me know, and if your going through the same thing I am, leave a comment, it would be nice if I knew I wasn't alone.

Quote of the day: "It will be as if I never exsisted" (I'm in such a Twilight Saga mood today)

um, hi

hmm, this isn't exactly what I was trying to do but okay, whatever, I'll give it a shot. I warn you though: I have now idea what I'm doing

Hi, I'm Marnie. I live in a city in Pennsylvania that is trying to be famous, just like me. I'm 17 summers old, and enjoy reading, that's how I ended up here. I was looking on Daniel Water's site (he wrote "Generation Dead" by the way, extremely good, you should read it) when I somehow clicked "create a blog." I was going to click out of it, but I was terribly bored (not because of Daniel Water's blog, he's very funny) and figured it gave me something to do, other then cleaning my room.

I doubt anyone will read this, but I'm a writer and I love to ramble on, so if reading peculiar babble and the occasional rant is your thing, then your most definitely welcome

Quote of the day: "My brother's not retarded! He was tested."